Bags zip up, shoes slip on and a jacket slides onto sophomore Alex Toon’s shoulders as she gets ready to leave her mom’s house to go to her dad’s for the weekend. She says goodbye to her mother and heads out to see her father.
Toon, like one of two children in America, has divorced parents. Her parents divorced 13 years ago. Toon lives with her mother and siblings but visits her father every weekend and on school breaks since her parents’ divorce.
“I have learned to live with it,” Toon said. “I love both of my parents equally, and just because he left doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be a part of my life, because he has tried so hard to help.”
Around 50 percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce. Lack of communication, finances and feeling constrained can be common reasons for divorce.
“Since I was two, I did not understand what was happening,” Toon said. “Once I got old enough, I saw that my older sister was hurt by it. It made me think that he did not care enough to stay in my life to watch me grow up.”
The majority of students who visit guidance counselor James Bedwell have divorced parents. He tries to help them cope with the impact of not having their other parent around. As in Toon’s case, when a divorce happens, the child usually goes with the mother and sees the other parent every other weekend or on holidays.
“The students need to try to stay focused, try to keep a routine, try to do things that they would normally,” Mr. Bedwell said. “It is just a matter of not wigging out over the change that is occurring in their lives. I let the students talk their issues out.”
Parents usually try to explain to their child that they shouldn’t feel that the divorce resulted from them, but children generally suffer higher levels of stress from the situation than the parents. One out of 10 children of divorce witness more than two parental breakups. Children of divorce have a higher risk of attempted suicide than children from two-parent households.
“My sister started acting more distant toward us, and she started getting bad,” Toon said. “She acted up more whenever my dad was with her.”
Sophomore Taylor Tompkin doesn’t remember exactly when her parents divorced, but she was young. Her mother remarried later after the divorce. She now lives with her mom, stepdad and 15-year-old brother.
“I just knew one day he was there and then he was gone,” Tompkin said. “We moved out afterwards. The divorce brought my family apart and my mom acted differently afterwards.”
While judges usually grant primary custody to the mother, fathers still retain the right to see their child. If the mother relocates, it puts a strain on paternal visitation. The court will make it a priority to determine the best interest for the child when deciding who gets primary custody.
“I try to help them cope with the pain of that loss basically,” Mr. Bedwell said. “There are a few people who come in here that the divorce is in progress.”
Dealing with divorced parents can produce a lot of difficulties, and the first step of this process includes understanding that parents love their children unconditionally. It may seem rough in the beginning, but it will surely get better in the end.
“I just try to let the kids talk out their problems,” Mr. Bedwell said. “I want the kids to accept the fact that the divorce is not their fault.”